Matzo Balls, Seinfeld, Chopped liver, big noses...UM!!!! THINGS WITH MANNERS!!!! DING DING DING

Since it's shomer Shabbos, I thought this fitting.  This is the most recent email I received today from a potential suitor.  I'm going to go back and watch Yentl AND Fiddler On The Roof because I just can't figure this one out:

 You are Jewish. You were brought up to say please and thank you. I was taught the same. I would live to take you out for lunch or dinner some day. :)
Brian

Brian, I was brought up with manners. Being Jewish had nothing to do with it. I'm a little confused by the correlation between the two. So, I'm going to say no thank you


Didn't mean to offend you. I'm Jewish and my mother instilled manners in me. I hope you can understand that.
Brian

I grew up in an area that was not primarily Jewish. Maybe if I'd grown up here in the North Shore that line would've worked. I've always believed manners were taught...not passed through religion. Good luck on your search

  Wtf?  A) Only Jews say please and thank you?
           B) This Jew didn't even proofread his email before he sent it.  He'd live to take me to dinner?
           C) You know, I can't even think of a C.  All I can think of is going and knocking on my neighbors' doors and asking them a question just to see if they say please and/or thank you.  I have a Hispanic family on one side of me and an Indian family across the hall.  I live in a melting pot for Christ's sake, and I bet I've heard them say, "Thank you," on more than one occasion when I've passed them.  What a DORK.  You are making a first impression.  Here's another one that was yesterday.  This guy looked like an orange Oompah Loompah with Q-tip white hair cut in a flat top. I am cutting and pasting so I'm not exaggerating:

How u doin if u like what u see msg me I still feel like im 25 but im dealt 47 dnt feel like it at all lol u dnt look
like it either.

Um, thanks? So are you 47 or 37? B/c your profile says 37.

m 47 does it really i didnt no my friend who set dis up did all da typing on his computer i was dare but he did da typing lol yes im 47 lol i still fell 25 and just for da record no way do u look ur age lol i think ur gorgeous ur very attractive i like ur look and styile i think we could gave alot of fun lol did u like what u saw other den my age i didnt see whare it said im 37 ill have to look. so do u like what u see? hope so 

Is this how you really talk?

no i just shortin my words when i txt lol like instead of saying THIS LOL I WOULD SAY DIS LOL SEE WHAT I MEAN LOL i do have a new york accent tho but anyway u say u hate spiders im deathly afraid of dem lol i mean them i almost died i got bittin by one it was bad. u say u love to kiss im a great kisser lol so ive been told i love to kiss and cuddle lol and u say ur not a good speller me either lol especially when im txting cuz i shorten da word up just habit lol we have alot n common i think what do u think lol chow for now.

Yeah, no, good luck to you, though.

 Oh my G-d.  (tumbleweed rolls by)  He says he's a Kung Fu instructor.  (shaking my head trying to speak)  I can't...I can't get any words to come out...It's just so ridiculous.  How?  Why?  Why is it so hard to find someone normal?  A friend of mine called yesterday whom I hadn't spoken to in a while.  He's this gorgeous Israeli.  Musician, was in the Mossad, played pro b-ball...still talks with the accent, omg, so sexy...wait, I'm just going to take a minute...ok, and we were talking about how hard it is to find normal people.  He finally found his match.  He found her on-line, believe it or not, which is how most couples are finding each other nowadays.  But he's SO in love.  I remember when he called me to tell me about her.  Now he tells me they live together and he's probably going to marry her.  WHOA!  But I'm happy for him.  I believe in love.  I also believe in me.  *sigh*  Gonna get in the shower.  It's Friday night.  You didn't really think I was going to stay home and pray, did you?


Tonight my song picks are:
Ai Du by Ali Farka Toure & Ry Cooder
You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi


I brag: I am still growing, loving, expanding.  I see the good in people.  Even the ridiculous.
I desire: somebody normal.  I'd like a normal date.  Haven't had one in a while.  One that doesn't start out normal and turn out nuts.  Maybe normal is a relative term.  How about nice, funny, sweet, handsome, that treats me well.
xxoo, R

I saw Andre the Giant once. Does that count? Junkyard Dog? Hulk Hogan!

I remember once when Sheila, my boss, came to visit us at our studio to give us our continuing education and to do some body whispering training.  She took all of us instructors to an Italian restaurant around the corner and I was sitting next to her (she still makes me nervous with these crazy eyes that stare into your soul) and she kept turning to me and touching me in some way.  Whether it was my arm, my hair, my face…she made some kind of contact with me.  Finally she said, “What is going on with you that I feel this pull to you?  I feel like you’re needing this today, “ and she demonstrates how she’s been touching me on the arms and hair and such.  Now, the whole time she’s been here for the visit, I’m my usual clown-like self, making jokes and you’d never know there was anything going on, but immediately my eyes welled up.  It was the time that my marriage was starting to fade.  Sheila is so empathic.  She knows where to go when the energy is pulling her and when she’s needed.  I ended up having a dance that day at S-factor that was cathartic.  ("Mama," by Beth Hart, if you wanted to know) The reason I’m starting with this…

Last week…WHEW!  (Been more than a week now, but I've been sitting on this post deciding on where it fits in my world) Divorce final, broke up with my man, met super-cool people Friday, saw a horrible fight where a guy with a cast bashed a pretty little 21 y/o face on her birthday.  She was wearing a sparkly tiara.  Met a guy on Sunday, went on a date with him on Monday.  (Different post.  So fun.  He treated me so nicely.  Bought dinner.  Kissed my MOTHER’S  hand and she giggled like a school girl...hilarious!)  But the last few guys that I’ve been out with, I just feel broken.  I have a friend that I’ve taken her phrase from her, “I can’t be bothered.”  I’m kinda burned out.  How freaking sad is that.  ME, HAPPYSUNSHINE EVERYTHING IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!  I’m finding that I’m just not finding what I desire.  Ah, I digress.  So last week my friends and I go into this karaoke bar close to my hometown and I immediately see a guy who just does not look like he fits.  Not in a bad way.  He just is more...um, sparkly.  Stylish is probably the word I want.  Sparkly makes me think he looks like the women I see that live in Boca that play maj jongh with the rhinestone glasses that talk like they've smoked a pack of Lucky's and drank a fifth of gin...and they're named Lil.  Feel me? I live up in the Northshore now, so when I come back to visit J-town, it’s a lot different.  I love it.  I love where I’m from.  Keeps me honest…yo?  See, I speak jive.  Anyway…the guy…sitting at the bar.  He takes up space, longer dark hair, bandanna on his head, baseball hat on top of that, big shoulders.  As I was coming back from fixing my face I stared at him.  My stare of, "I'm gonna put you on a piece of bread and eat ya like a sammich," stare.  He looks like he’s unapproachable, like he's got a force field around him.  That’s my first impression, “Holy shit.  He looks like a big meany.  Why is he in a karaoke bar?”  When he gets called up to sing he strolls, ‘cause , yeah, he’s got a swagger, up to the area and I’m thinking, “What’s he going to sing?  Some Guns N Roses, maybe?  Metallica?”  I’m looking at his fancy pocket jeans and his square toe shoes.  He’s tall and so handsome.  I’m watching as he grabs the mic on its stand with both hands, props one foot on the base, leans in, cocks his head and breathes in as the music starts… (pling pling pling) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? NEIL DIAMOND, “SWEET CAROLINE???”  I am hysterically laughing.  However, he sounds amazing, just not what I expected.  Everybody in the bar is singing along, “BAH BAH BAH,”  and the scary bad boy is no more.  Force field, gone.  Meany-shmeany, I'm so excited he's a goofball I can hardly contain myself as I hit my friend on the arm.  "Did you hear that?"  He goes back to his place at the bar with his friend and I am still speechless.  I guess he’d been up there already, we got there late, blah blah, sang all sorts of stuff, but I get Jewish-man-in-polyester song.  YESSSS!  Turns out he is kind of a rock star, I guess, and an athlete of sorts, but more of an actor, I think, in the industry.  Not really sure.  What I do know about him is he has an energy that pulls me to him like Sheila was pulled to me.  Ok, maybe not the SAME energy (eyebrows up and down) but it’s the same concept.  I am always touchy-feely-lovey-dovey.  But I marched right over to him in my too-high heels and introduced myself and he (and his adorable friend) ended up with me/us for the rest of the night…not like that ya dirty girls…just near me.  He’s not cocky or mean.  He’s fun and nice, I almost dare to say sweet, but really guarded.  I should probably take a lesson or two.  The night ended with all of us going to an after-hours club that had some poles in it and that's where that poor girl got her face smashed.  I didn't see what happened b/c I was giving my digits to Rock star/Wrestler/Actor who turned out to be soooooo much younger.  OMG, so much younger.  But that kinda put a damper on things and our goodbye turned out to be watching this poor girl covered in blood getting into an ambulance.  I was hoping I'd get a Mulligan because there was just no salvaging that goodbye.  I’m going to just skip to last night because I’m going to meet friends for lunch.  We met again out at the same karaoke place and, my G-d, he's handsome.  I can’t get a read on him at all about how he feels about me, (he comes to meet me from his hometown about an hour away, we have some cute conversation here and there...eh?) and really…”I can’t be bothered,” because I am so broken, myself.  I’ve had more guys promise the moon in the last few months than I could shake a stick at.  We sing, we dance.  We get ready to go our separate ways and I say, “Nonononono, I’m not letting this happen again.” and I take him by the hands and lead him away from the group.  small talk small talk I’m guarded I’m burned out I can’t be bothered I don’t want a boyfriend/girlfriend incapable blahblah I’m about to invade your space so get ready for it because if you don’t want me to say so now because it’s comin’ do you feel like we’re on display b/c they’re looking at us I don’t care I’m old now if they wanna look let them I’m going to kiss you now(leaning in, but I freak and I pull away from him, but then) *KISS*  Nervous, can’t figure out his rhythm and we’re buzzed and friends are looking.  Fuck, my timing is perfect with him, though.  This is how it’s supposed to be, I just haven’t found what the lesson is yet…and who it is for.  I think it's mine... 

This is where I'd stopped writing for a bit about this guy.  I wanted to see if anything ever came of it...and it didn't.  Of course not.  Remember when I said he was younger?  We're talking like Robyn-what-are-you-thinking younger.  But it was fun to have a crush.  I think that's what my lesson was.  Stop being so serious, because lately with the last few guys that I have dated, whoooo, just not the right ones for me.  One didn't like how free I was...The other said he liked it, but showed his true colors in a text message when I told him he had to talk to me like a lady.  Oh, my lovelies, I have such a low tolerance for bullshit and drama.  I can't stand it.  If you don't treat me right...I go.  Simple.  Ok, so my song picks are, I have 3 because I couldn't decide which one made me happier.  Enjoy your dance breaks with these:
Paralyzer by Finger Eleven

Control by Puddle of Mudd

Seeing Things by Black Crowes

I Brag I am an amazing teacher and I'm back on the schedule at S-factor full force again.

I Am Grateful for my ability and ease to talk to people and make them feel comfortable.

I Desire more...more love, more fun, more financial abundance, more sparkles.  

I hope this post finds you all happy.  Take a walk outside today.  Notice the trees.  Notice something.  Love love love, Robyn

I can sleep when I'm dead

Let me tell you a little something about me if you haven't figured it out by now.  I'm a girly-girl.  I can watch sports, but I can't play them.  I may not understand what's going on, but I'll be fashionably correct for the occasion.  That being said, this particular weekend that I'm about to talk about, I'm on about 2 hours of sleep for the last 48 hours, I've just broken up with my boyfriend for having a complete melt-down on me for what I consider to be no good reason.  I never consider it ever a good reason to say, "FUCK YOU!" to someone you supposedly care about because once it's out there, you can't take it back.  I'm sitting in my apartment after just finishing a really awesome man-training session of having my neighbor and his son help me carry my new wicker furniture up from my car to my balcony when I get a text from one of my best friends in my home town asking me to come to watch the game at a local bar with her and some friends.  My girlfriend is just beautiful and impossible to say no to, so I drag my body and a change of clothes back down to the car and tell her I'm on my way.  Seriously.  I can't believe I'm going.  It's been an unreal weekend.  I'm still in shock over the boyfriend thing, but oddly enough, kinda numb.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep.  I get to my girlfriend's house.  How can she look so pretty in a baseball hat and a t-shirt?  Do you have friends that tell you how bad they look and you just want to shake them?  We head over to the bar and get these bracelets that allow you to drink all you want and get shots every time there's a shot made from the three-point line.  Hmmm, sounds like a great idea for someone who hasn't slept in a freakin' weekend, but my new tattoo is hurting pretty badly (yup, told you it was a packed weekend of crazy) and so my judgement is a bit...clouded.  Sure, wrap that bad boy around my wrist.  Whoop whoop, GO BULLS...Touchdown!  The place starts to fill up and Bestie and I are having a ball, laughing and reminiscing about childhood antics when more friends arrive, boys come and go, stopping to say hi and check on us to see what they can do for us, shots are being done.  I am not a drinker, by any stretch of the imagination...but when I do, I just love you.  I looooove you.  I want to tell you how great you are and I'm just lovey dovey.  I'm laughing about it right now, because I think of how I am in my regular life...which is the same, so up that by, I dunno, 10.  My flirting goes up and my staring gets more intense.  I'm a dork, I tell ya.  One guy in a cute little green bulls jersey said to me, "You are so pretty," and without hesitation I said, "Thank you, it's true." and he was stunned.  Not common response for my hometown.  One of the friends there I'd just met (but Bestie knew well) made me laugh constantly.  He was such a fun person and such a goofball and I loved that he was so much like us.  He was also friends with someone I've known for YEEEAARRSS who was supposed to come and meet us and had already called him a few times.
"Do you want to call him," M asked?
"Sure, give me your phone," I snagged his phone and went outside with it.  On the way out I tripped over my own feet and quickly turned around.  Whew, nobody saw...still look cool...awww yeah.  I call J, but he doesn't answer...hmmm, I've got M's phone...(go to contacts: add contact: xxx/xxx-xxxx enter) I handed him back the phone.  We've all now decided to go to a different bar and I'm pretty sure I have a face, but I can't feel it so well.  J, the friend we were waiting for shows up, and M says to me, "Did you put your number in my phone?"
"Ummm, maybe?" I said with a smile.  M helps me off my barstool as the rest of the gang starts to walk out of the bar.  Next thing I know, I'm pinned up against the wall, hard, my hands are up by my shoulders, and he's planted a kiss on me that made my whole body say, "YIPPEEEEEE!!!!"  I heard the entire bar roar, "WHOAA!" and I was in shock.  M, however...took his moment...and was quite pleased with himself...as he should've been.  Because I told him I don't kiss men I don't know and that led to... dinner the next night. Which was just as amazing.  That's all you'll get out of me about him, my darlings.  At least for now.  As far as my Brags, Gratefuls, and Desires:
I Brag:
I am an amazingly strong woman who stands up for myself and know my worth
I am so fun.
I have fierce friends

I Am Grateful:
for playlists on my iPhone that keep my mind busy, my voice screaming, and my hands beating on the steering wheel so I stay awake
for strapless bras that don't touch my tattoo
for delicious stolen kisses that make me blush

I Desire:
sunshine and warmer weather
to sleep through the night and sleep soundly
an uninterrupted shower alone with hot water the whole time
a love letter

my song picks for today...that's a toughy.  I'm feeling, "My Doorbell," by The White Stripes for this post.  Funny, I'm not sure why.  I'm just going to go with it.  So enjoy my lovlies and dance your hearts out.  I know I will.  I'm sending love, love, love, R