The Voice, Love Letters, and Perfect Timing...I'm a triple threat!!!

 A few weeks ago I auditioned for NBC's The Voice.  I didn't tell a whole lot of people and the few that I did tell I kept asking, "Are you sure I'm not like those crazy people who thinks they can sing but really can't?"  I was so afraid I'd find myself in one of those episodes like you see on American Idol where they break the screen into a four-square and you've got the loony-birds all singing their own version of the Star Spangled banner in chicken suits and William Hung on the side doing, "She bang, she bang..." over on the sidelines.  The few that I asked assured me I wouldn't make a total ass out of myself and so I said, "what the fuck," and went for my dream.  10 hours of waiting in line and meeting some very interesting people, seeing some that I knew, (one that I've actually blogged about, the wrestler/singer/actor) and being herded like cattle, I was finally given my 30 seconds to sing my heart out.  I tanked.  I sunk like a stone in a lake.  Eh, next year.  At least there were no chicken suits in line.  It was a legit singing show and I was happy to just be there.  As I walked out feeling a bit low, I clicked my phone to check the time.  A message on my facebook appeared from someone I haven't heard from in about 3 years. I had written to him in May (it's now July) so I'll start with my letter to him and then his response.

Hi J, I don't know if you even remember me. I'm the girl who found you unbelievably irresistible and threw herself shamelessly at you in NYC a few years ago. That probably narrows it down to about 3,500 women in 2009. Now shrink it down to funny-pole-dance-teacher-sister-goddesses-with-pink-hair...anything? Ok, even if it doesn't, I'm hoping you'll just smile and nod for the minute or two it will take to read my adorable email, which now I've promised to be adorable, so here goes...I check in on your page from time to time because you are absolutely a catch and I wait to see who that lucky girl will be and if there will be a parade or a blackout or something if it ever happens. It's been about 4 months since I've last checked in and when I came on to see your picture with you in your hat, your smile, your 5 o'clock shadow,  when I started to read the posts about your dad. I started to read about you as a son. I've read about you as an uncle. I knew about that already and I've seen pictures and had that, "Awwwww," moment. Which is oh, so sexy, btw. But I wanted to tell you as someone who doesn't really know you or your dad, for that matter, your father must have been loved and loved well. He raised honorable men, too. So I wanted to share my first memory of you.
I was with the Sister Goddesses at an after-party and as a big sister, I was having the time of my life with my, "littles," when I saw you dancing with your friends. My G-d, can you dance. I kept looking at you and thinking how great a dancer you were and how much fun you were having. What a beautiful energy you had. I complimented you and you were so genuine with your smile. We danced upstairs together and I would take sips out of your drink (which tasted like lighter fluid...and I had no trouble showing you this in my face.  Christ, how do you drink that?) and you'd laugh at me when I'd do it. When it was time to leave, you said to me, "Robyn, it's NY, where's your coat?" I said, "J, Darling, this is a cashmere wrap," and threw it over my shoulder like a fucking Gabor sister and marched out the door. Another laugh. You are so generous with your laugh and your smile. You grabbed a cab for me  (which was not an easy task) and put me in the cab, and at the last second I asked you to come with me, but you looked back at your friend and said, " I can't. " "Please come, J, it'll be so much fun." "I can't," you laughed again and kissed me goodbye. And off I went.
I am at my mother's right now and breakfast is ready. I hope this email made you smile at least a little because it made me happy remembering it. I do remember more. (We'd had another meeting) But this story came to my mind from reading about your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss, Honey. You are such an amazing man just from what I saw of you that night, J. From across a bar. Your smile, your laugh, your generosity, your spirit. I just wanted you to know I see you. For what it's worth, I remember. Love to you, Robyn

Robyn!!!
I don't know how I missed this message in my inbox but I did. I am so glad that I stumbled upon it today. Been a crazy tough week with work and I was a little off today and just read this beautiful email from you and you successfully made me smile... BIG!!!!
All else is good by me. Work is great - took a new job 11 months ago and I love it. I do have a lady in my life now, her name is S and she has been an absolute rock for me during this very tough year with my dad getting sick and then passing.
Thank you so much for those amazing words, it made me so happy reading them. You too are extremely special and beautiful and wonderfully full of love!!!
How are you doing? Are you still in Chicago. How are your gorgeous kids? How are your goddesses?

Please give me an update.

With so much love,
-J.

 

You have no idea what perfect timing you have. I was walking out of my audition from The Voice. After waiting in line for 10 hours to get 30 seconds to sing and get a, "Thank you for your patience, but no thank you." I clicked on my phone to see the time and your message was here. I'm so happy to hear you're well and about S (she says with a forced smile) kidding. The kids are doing as well as can be expected, but at least they are seeing their mother in a happier place. I'm sitting in the sunshine drinking an iced coffee and I'm exactly where I should be. Sending you so much love, Jojo. Please come visit Chicago. You've always got a friend here. xxoo, Robyn

 

Remembering that time and writing to him made me happy and brought me to a place of gratitude.  So what if I didn't make The Voice this time.  Look where I am.  I am living the life that 4 years ago I didn't think would be possible.  Sure, I may not be where I want to be yet financially.  My love life is a bit ridiculous at times.  But I wouldn't go back.  I have truly become the creatrix of my destiny and every step I've taken has had purpose.  I adore writing my love letters to my friends.  Do you realize how short the time is here to tell people how you feel?  I'm not waiting anymore.  I don't have the time nor do I have the energy to waste on bullshit.  I choose to live in my truth...aaaaand I'll stop there before I get too much higher on my soap box. (steps off) Sorry, sometimes I get a little excited.  If you haven't gotten a love letter from me yet, you will, don't worry.  It may be long, short, a poem, but it will be from my heart.  Today's song pic from me...Natalie Merchant's, "Kind and Generous," this one I find myself dancing around the apartment with my hands up to the sky at 3am just being happy I'm free. 

I brag I am living the best life.

I am grateful for the community of friends I have.

I desire clarity on where to go next.