Take-a-my heart..foof!!

"...Then tell me three things that you love about him right now."
"Why? What will that do?"
"Just do it."
"He's very witty. I mean it. He can't tell a joke to save his life, but he can make you laugh about something, make you forget about it, and then bring it back into the conversation and make it fit so that everybody erupts into that kind of laughter that you are clapping at the same time because it was so good."
"What else?"
"His smile when it's genuine. People give him a lot of flack because he doesn't smile in his pictures and stuff. Like if you've ever seen that shirt with Darth Vader on it with all the different emotions, happy, sad, surprised...and it's all the same picture. He's kinda like that in his pictures and I know exactly why he won't do it. But I love his smile. Don't get me wrong, I like his other smiles and laughs, too, but I'm not talking about that loud, boisterous laugh that most people see when he's out. "
"One more."
"His vulnerability when he allows it. I've seen people take such advantage of him and he's had to build this heavy armor. When he lets you in, it's such a gift. He's much more fragile than he'll ever let most people see. Very early in our relationship we were driving and he asked if we could make a stop. But he does it like this, "TURNHERETURNHERETURNHERE!!!!"  As I pulled in, it became apparent I was taking him to his Dad's gravesite. We parked the car and got out. I'm a little taken back. I'm already in deep love with him, but for Dustin, this is not normal behavior. We approach the site and D stops to put his eye drops in, and if I could have a fourth thing...this would be it. I've never seen anyone put eye drops in like he does. Seriously.  It's fascinating and defies gravity.  Anyways, we come up to where his dad is buried and as D is wiping his eyes he puts his arm around me and abruptly pulls me to his side, "Pop, this is Robyn. Everyone's telling me she's a keeper and I wanted you to meet her." I'm shocked, I'm speechless, all I want to do is hold him. He tells me a story of a mix up with the location of the plots and how he thinks his dad would hate all the planes flying over him all the time. He looks around for a second and just like that he says, "Ok, we're gonna go now," sigh, "I miss you and I love you." We turn and leave. A few days after that, he disappeared. I didn't hear from him for at least  a few days. No communication at all, and I was heartsick. I went back a few days after that to the cemetery and sat down on the grass next to Pop's stone. I can still remember how itchy the grass was. Immediately my eyes welled up with tears. "I know you worry about him," I sobbed, " I promise, if we're together I'll love him and take care of him the best I know how. I know he's a good man. I see it in him. But, please, help me listen how to love him. Help him come home to me." Whooo, got a little off the subject there, sorry."
"How do you feel?"
"Like the more things change, the more they stay the same."

 When's the last time you thought of three things you love about your loved one or why you're grateful? You don't have to tell me what they are. Maybe it will help you remember why you love each other. Or what you would lose.
"People say you don't know what you've got til it's gone, but the truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it."
I wrote this whole story (minus a small personal paragraph I've eliminated) to D after a horrible argument we'd had because instead of writing him all of the things I wanted to tell him he was doing wrong, I stopped and found him right.  I was still really fucking hurt...don't get it twisted, but it slapped me in the face of why I loved him to begin with and I asked him to do the same and if he couldn't...well, then, to let me go.  Sometimes we have rough patches...days, weeks, even longer...but you decide when it's worth it to stay or to walk away.  A friend with an anniversary sparked this in me today.  I send my love.  I send it to all of you.  xxoo, R

song picks for the night:
Pat Monahan's, "Always Midnight"
Damien Rice's, "The Blower's Daughter"