Hi their. Wanted 2 C wut u were up too. Ware'd u go? K.

When I originally started my blog it was because I realized diving back into the 
dating pool was not as easy as I'd thought.  And internet dating, as popular as it 
is, has been the craziest part of the entire experience.  There's something to 
be said for anonymity. People feel safe. They feel bold. It gives them 
permission to be who they want to be or think they are.  They take the filter off 
their brains and just let it rip.  They say things they'd never say in public or 
never want people to say to their mothers, wives, sisters. I'm sure the same 
goes for women, also, but I can't comment on that since I don't look at their 
profiles and I don't receive emails from them.  But in talking to my lesbian 
girlfriends, women are just as bad and maybe even worse when it comes to 
relationships.  I wish I could remember the joke right now about lesbians, first 
dates, and something about bringing a U-HAUL.  Anyway, recently I've been 
getting a slew of emails from men (not in my criteria) that are riddled with 
grammatical errors and spelling fuck-ups.  Nothing annoys me as much in an email 
or profile as when I see something that is so easily corrected. ESPECIALLY when 
I specifically put it in my profile that you must be a better speller than I am 
and at least know the difference between to, too, and two.  Seriously.  How lazy 
have we become that in a profile or a first-impression email we can't write out 
the words, but instead it looks like, "Hey, u look lik sum 1 I want 2 git 2 no."  
I want to peel my skin off when I read this.  "Ware wud u lik 2 go 4 r date."  
How about a fucking bookstore to buy you a dictionary, Pally? So yesterday I'd 
had it.  I think maybe I either need to switch to decaf or up my Wellbutrin. Who 
knows, but I took the FOUR misspelled emails I received yesterday and wrote back to all 
of them.  I did the best I could to not be too bitchy and use my man-training 
skills. Three thanked me.  One I didn't even bother to let 
respond.  I just blocked him and called it a day.  He drained me and took my 
pleasure away so I didn't want to deal with him...I realize when I show my hand 
like this and give the public a glimpse into my mind/life, I take a chance to 
look like a ginormous asshat.  Well, if that's the case, I'm an asshat.  It 
seems funny to end on asshat, but I will.  Ass...hat! Enjoy...

  CORRECTED PROFILE MISSION:
*this was 0087Jay's Header*
"Phenomenonal men looking for an phenomenonal women"
His email to me...

087: Hello gorgeous how are u ?

Me: Hey, thanks for the email. Although you don't fit in my criteria I'd like to 
give you my opinion and you can do with it whatever you want. Are you a MAN or 
are you a MEN? You're a man. Men is plural. You're A man looking for A WOMAN not 
AN WOMEN. Or you're a man looking for women. This opening line is the first 
thing a woman sees when she looks at your profile. You have to fix your typos 
because we women look at that stuff. Good luck to you, Honey. You seem very 
nice.

0087: Thank u i appreciate the correction.

Me: My pleasure

It now reads, "Phenomenonal man looking for an phenomenonal woman."
*sigh* Bless his heart. I've sounded out phen-om-en-on-al about ten times just 
to make sure I was seeing it right.  Yup...that's what it says. 
My lady-friend I sit next to in Starbucks said to me, "It's so nice you did that
to help him.  And you could still be friends with these guys."  and I said to her, 
"Why the hell would I want to be friends with them? Clearly they're idiots?"  

Another one for your viewing pleasure:
"September 18, 2013 the email from CaptainLarry1229 reads...

CL: Your not to bad lookin your self.

ME: I'm hoping you had all these grammatical errors for my benefit and as a 
joke. Good luck on your search

CL: I spelled everything correct.Are you singing Mark I will meet you for a 
drink and maybe dinner? (has this guy ever seen a punctuation mark?)
*he's referring to a picture of me at karaoke where my mouth is open, I'm 
standing in front of a microphone and the caption reads, "Singing at karaoke." I 
wonder if he has had any type of shock therapy. 

ME:""RE: Your not to bad lookin your self"
*You're not *too bad *looking *yourself
So, no. If you're going to be a wise ass, you didn't spell everything 
*correctly. Unfortunately you and I aren't a match. Good luck."

It's official. I'm a total bitch. I have pent up frustration. Hilarious. this is the

one that drained me.

Another email from match.com
Passionatechef4U: Hi *****,
Wow you had me at Hello. I am just a guy asking this very beautiful lady just to 
get to know him more now. 
After read your profile I do see we do have a lot in common to. 
Next I would love to be able to show and explore with you all that Chicago has 
to offer and cook for you with a fire place, and a nice bottle of wine. 
Please don't let the distance get in the way of you and I getting to know each 
other more now to. 
Yes I can tell that your a very special lady and also very worth getting to know 
more. 
Plus would love to talk with you more now to. I am at 847-651-**** or can I call 
you to now. 
David

*Deep Breath*
ME:David, while I appreciate the email, I'd like to offer my opinion and feel 
free to take it with a grain of salt. This email sounds like a general form that 
you've written, copied, and pasted to save yourself time so you can just send it 
to women who's profiles you find interesting. Which is fine, but you should at 
least take the time to go back in and personalize it and tailor it to each woman 
you respond to. For example, tell me what the things are that you and I have in 
common and also, make sure you take out the things that don't pertain to me. You 
and I are only a few miles apart, so the distance line doesn't apply to me. And 
one more thing...in my profile I specifically say I'm big on spelling and 
grammar. Your email is riddled with errors. Know the difference between to and 
too. Use spell check. Girls look at this stuff. Good luck on your search. I hope 
things go well for you.

Passionatechef4u: Thank u. Good luck to you. (You have no idea how glad I am he 
didn't add the last, "too," at the end out of horrible fear that it would be 
wrong, wrong, wrong.)

Email subject line: oH yEaH! (this is a guy who calls himself Spaceknight711)
SK711: I also love the Carpenters... :-)

Me: I have no idea what the hell that is supposed to mean. Good luck to you.

SK711: Opps...
I think i was replying to someone else, and must have accidentally hit your 
profile. But now that I have actually read your profile, I find it hilarious in 
its own right. So, maybe weird stuff does happen and interesting things may come 
of it!

First impressions.  Something you'll never get back...this is a 56 y/o teacher.  
Seems I attract old, short, loopty-loos that can't spell and have 
no filter. Well, in the meanwhile at least I have good writing material and something

to keep me busy at Starbucks. I have to figure out the secret. Maybe I have

to change my profile. "I like beer. I like guns. Boobs."

Maybe I should become a nun. Nevermind the fact 

I'm Jewish. I enjoy it, to be honest.  It keeps me from getting involved

and keeps all the men at arm's length from me. They can't hurt me if they

can't get close to me, right? But that's a whole different story.  Maybe

tomorrow I'll tell you about how I ran away to Arizona and sat on the red

rock to reclaim my sanity.  I hope this post finds you all well.  As 

always I am just so grateful that you even take time out of your day to

read my stories. Maybe I'll take all of these and put them in a book.

Maybe I'll become a rhetoric teacher. With much love, Robyn

My trinity:

I Brag

I write how I talk and it is my favorite part about me.

I am an amazing singer.

I have released a relationship that no longer served me and lived when I thought I 

would die.

I am great at inspiring people and they heed my advice.

I am a master flirt.

I Desire

to continue having fun with my friends. 

flowers that I don't have to buy myself. 

a trip to the Korean Bathhouse with my friends to relax and get a scrub.

to finally meet the friend who has given me some of the best advice I've ever heard.

to go on a date with a man who opens my car door for me. It would be so nice.

I want to get back to the studio. I miss my girls.

I desire to release the 10 pounds that has found it's way to my body. It doesn't

serve me to keep it. 

a shower with no interruptions.

to publish a book.

I Am Grateful

for my children.

for my sense of humor.

for my ability to block out bad things and forget.

high heels and karaoke

group chats and great advice

autocorrect and hilarious memes

pedicures

Irish accents

music that makes my body move and my heart swell.

My music picks:

Jackson by Johnny Cash 

Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke

Creep by Radiohead