I opened my eyes and looked out the top of my tent to see it
was daytime. The other campers were slowly starting to stir. My watch says 6:48
am. YES! Almost biscuits and gravy time, lol. I have been making a conscious
effort to not eat meat and to try not to eat dairy. It’s not because I’m one of
the die-hards that hold their fists in anger, “Chickens are not nuggets!!!” “I don’t eat anything that has a soul!”
Mine is more for the, “I don’t want to
die at an early age or get diabetes.” Ok, here’s a question: Is it normal
that every time I hear or say the word, “Diabetes,” I’ll say it twice? Once the
normal way and then I say it like Wilford Brimley, “Diabetus.” Yeah, you heard
it in your head that time, didn’t you? You’re welcome. But, when it comes to
certain things, I will put my mostly vegetarian hat away and eat me some
animals. I walked down to the fire station where the breakfast was going to be
to get a cup of coffee. The women of the
board were in the kitchen cooking and had been there since 4am. I had a sip of
my coffee and asked if they needed help with anything. A looks up and says,
“Well sure. Come on
back here wash your hands and put on some gloves.”
I hopped up and went
into the kitchen, excited that they would let me help instead of the very
polite, “Oh, no, we’ve got it. You are a stranger and we don’t want you
in here.” Whenever people ask me what they can do to help when I’m
cooking in my kitchen, I try to give them a task. They feel useful. I get to
drink wine sooner.
Min comes into the firehouse and I say, “GOOD MORNING!” It
took her a second to realize it’s me back there. Mostly because she’d been
working for 17 hours the day before in the heat. The look she had was
hilarious. I help the girls out for a few orders and then when there is a lull,
I grab a biscuit, some bacon gravy, and a maple sausage patty. So good. I know
there are some of you reading now and making a joke in your head about how it’s
not kosher, bad Jew, etc...I haven’t said anything about me being Jewish at
this point to anyone and I’ll tell you why I am saying this but I’ll talk about
it later when it’s more relevant. More
people are coming in and out. Everyone’s excited about the eclipse later and
talking around the table about what a
good time they had last night. The Ohio family comes in to eat. It’s a
husband/wife team with a boy (6) and a girl (4) that are just cuter than all
get out. I talk to kids all the time, I think, because of Gymboree. I honestly had never even diapered a baby
before my own. Now I can’t believe they pay me to play and act like a whackjob
at work. Through conversation, the husband who is extremely lanky with black,
curly hair, wearing this super-tight shirt so you could see his ribs, talks
about his time in the Army and the three tours he did. He was in inteligence
and still has the highest security clearance. I would’ve never expected that. The way
he and his wife spoke to their children was such a gift to see. Earlier in the
morning, the son had wandered off into the ball field, still completely visible
from the family’s tent, but when Dad called him back, he got down to his son’s level,
looked him in the eye, and explained in very simple terms why that was not
acceptable. He gave him a hug and told him he loved him and the boy went back
to...doing what boys do. I don’t know why that sticks out in my mind so much.
They were the type of family you’d see living in a commune. This whole thing
kinda felt like a commune. I feel like I should be playing, “Aquarius,” in the
background.
I go outside and Min is there,
“Hey, I have to go run some errands,
do you want to go with me and see the town in the light? We can go see the
inside of the bar, too.”
We had taken the cruise in this dune buggy type car thing
(yes, my male readers, I said it) the night before and I had seen literally
everyone’s house...and still made it back in 6 minutes.
“Heck yeah!”
It was about 10am when we parked in the middle
of the road. Seriously. The middle of the road is where you parked and the
outer aisles is where you drove. When you walk into this bar, it is really taking
a step back in time a hundred years. There’s old pictures and catfish mounted on
the walls, a tin ceiling, it smells like cigars, and The Price Is Right is on
the tv. What the fuck happened to Drew Carey, by the way? He looks like Achmed
the Dead Terrorist for Christ’s sake. Drink a protein shake or something.
Anyway, we walk in and the Mayor and another gentleman are sitting at the bar
talking to the bartender/owner.
“Hello!” greets
the Mayor. He’s hillarious. One of those guys that says things just how they
are and that’s what makes it so funny. “Do you girls want a beer?”
Now, I try to make it sound like I’m a good girl and that I’ve
never had a cocktail before 5pm. Stop laughing. “It’s only 10:15 in the
morning.”
“It’s 5 o’clock
somewhere,” he says with a laugh.
So of course we did. The funniest part about it was when
Mayor tells the bartender we needed beers, it went like this:
“Hey, D,
these girls need beers.”
D dips his head and looks through the tops of his eyes, “...so go git em...”
That poor man had to get up, walk around us to go behind the
bar, get the beers, open the tops, give them to us...and then D made him pay
for them on top of it all. I was
laughing.
“Here,” he tosses a coaster to me on the bar, “use this.” Then
he gave me a pen with the bar’s name on it. I knew he liked me.
“Ah!” I said, “This is a swanky place. Pinkies up everybody.”
It was the tastiest beer I’ve had in years. Min gets a call
to take the leftover b&g to the church freezer, so off we went. Min’s
husband is a deacon at their church. It’s a pretty church, too. I get the tour
and they have one of those tanks to be baptized in. Not just a little sprinkle
of water in the face...this is one where your whole body is submerged under
water. Holy shit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of them in person. I don’t
even know how to put this in or where to put it in, so enjoy my
disjointedness...I normally don’t censor myself about being Jewish. I talk
openly about my son’s bar mitzvah coming up or I’ll make a joke about something
not going so good for, “my people,” or joke about my nose job, but I was
nervous to say things like that here. It wasn’t until we were back at the
pavilion waiting for the eclipse to happen that it became more prevalent of
where this place of goodness was coming from in Min and the families I’d met.
Did I think they would kick me out or ask me to leave...no. I just didn’t want
to be the different one again. I was already the poor little thing from Moonstock, lol.
We were all sitting under the pavilion, on the flat bed of
the truck, on the grass, on swings, everywhere you could think. I think I was
on my second shaved ice when Min and Z decided to pray because Z was getting
anxious about the eclipse. I can’t lie, I was nervous, too. I was thinking it
would be a hell of a story when I got to heaven, though, if this was the end. I
watched Min hold her daughter’s hand and we all bowed our heads to listen. It
was peaceful. Children around us playing on the stage, singing in front of us
like they’re performing like all kids do. Every few minutes Min would step out
to the sun with her solar glasses on and come back, “A
little bit more,” describing the eclipse starting. It was still hot as
the freaking equator outside and when you looked at the sun through the
glasses, it looked kind of like a light bulb. When the sun was almost covered
and there was just a sliver of it left, I looked around the park at the trees,
the people, and everything looked like I was looking through an HD filter. All
of the shadows were these short, squatty things, the wind didn’t pick up and it
didn’t get cold like I thought it would. It felt a bit dull. Not boring-dull, but dull like there was
soundproofing in the air. No echo, no sound bouncing off the pavilion roof.
Flat. Does that make sense? The street lights started to come on and the
cicadas got louder. And then, darkness. I saw at least four stars. We all stood
around and you could hear the ooooh’s and ahhhh’s of everyone there. I missed
my kids at that moment very much. I was witnessing this monumental event. The
sky looked like there was a huge, perfect hole in it. I’d never seen anything
like that. And I was alone. I allowed myself 10 seconds to feel sad. Only 10
seconds, but I had to give myself permission to feel it. A minute later the
eclipse was passing and we cheered. A few seconds later you could hear the next
town cheer. It was cool.
“Ok, I’m starving, let’s go eat.
Robyn, you wanna ride with us?”
“Wait, are you sure you want me to go with?”
“You’re family now. You’re stuck
with us.”
Driving with Min, Z, Z’s boyfriend, and Heffe (a dear friend
of the family who lives with them because he needed the love around him) to the
restaurant we break into an imprompteu, “Total Eclipse Of The Heart,” but it is
this crazy version I’ve never heard before that had the word fuck in it about 10 times that I think they said was from
Old School. It felt completely normal...well, MY normal. I sing with my kids all the time at the top of our
lungs...doesn’t everybody? And when no one is singing, Z’s boyfriend, B, is
beat boxing and just having the time of his life all on his own. Heffe has this
low voice and talks with that soft drawl. His sense of humor is dry and makes
me laugh with his straight delivery.
At the table I am told I have to have the fried pickles and
try the mac n cheese bites. They have bacon. Well, there goes my vegetarian
card again.
Jay asks me, “Why don’t you eat
meat?”
“Because I have high blood pressure and diabetes (diabetus) runs in
my family, so I’m just trying to be better at it.”
“Oh, I thought maybe it was
because you were Jewish.” The way he said it, I wish you could here it
the way I did. When you read the words, you could’ve interpreted it in so many
ways, like, was he joking? Was he saying it with any negativity? But it was so
the opposite. Jay is this sincere, kind man, which I think compliments Min
perfectly. She’s a very tell-it-like-it-is person that will turn your water off
if you are late, but will also take in a complete stranger who needed a place
to lay her head. So when Jay asked me, I answered, “Well, yeah, that, too.”
Heffe snaps his fingers and points at me like he just
answered the daily double, “I knew it!”
“I can still stay, right?” I laughed with just a touch of
serious
“Of course you can. Why would you
ask that?”
I can’t remember the awkward shit that must’ve come out of
my mouth, but Min looks me in the eye and in the most matter-of-fact voice
says, “Jesus was a Jew.” And everything I was
worried about melted away. I grew up in a town where there were very few Jewish
families. I went to Catholic school. I’ve never really had any issue and there’s
been only one person in my whole entire life that called me a dirty fucking
Jew. Gotta admit, that one hurt. In all honesty, growing up I had a much better
understanding of Jesus than I did of Judaism. The men I’ve loved the most in my
life were born again Christians. The greatest love of my life was Pentecostal.
My natural mother is born again. Maybe that’s why I felt so at home. Food for
thought. Today I got a message from Min saying that B had made a comment today
that he missed me and I gotta say, it made me misty. Also, the Mayor missed my
happy-go-lucky face. It made me feel good that I made an impact on them like
they have on me. My life...my life is far from ordinary. I have proven to
myself time and time again that I can be afraid, but still be courageous. I
meet wonderful and amazing people wherever I go and it’s because I make the
decision to do so. I could’ve easily said, “Fuck it,” after the first drop of
water hit me in the face or after the first three hundred crickets hopped on my
tarp or the fifth time the, “Howlllll at the moooon,” assholes came riding by.
Like attracts like. I didn’t belong there. I found exactly where I was meant to
be with the people I was meant to meet. As cliche as it may sound, I had one of
the best trips of my life going to see the eclipse in Southern Illinois.
Moonstock was the lesson I needed to receive Dowell...Cuz dat’s how we do well.
(sorry, inside jokes aren’t funny if you’re the only one who knows it)
Take in a big inhale with me and blow it out. Thanks. Ok, it’s
time to go back to the top and try to make sense of all I’ve just written. Oh,
and I was added to the community page on FB. I’m an honorary member. Thank you
thank you thank you for all of your kind words about my writing. It’s a
passion. I write how I talk. So once you get the cadence of how I say things,
you’ll hear it in my voice...unless you say Diabetus.
Tonight’s song choice:
Total Eclipse Of The Heart...I mean, come on, you saw that
coming, didn’t you? Play it right now and sing like a mental patient for at
least 30 seconds
I am grateful:
Quoting movies that make you laugh even if you don’t know
what it’s from
Barbecue sauce mixed with ranch. (It’s not really pink,
though)
Shaved ice that falls all over the place
Jay’s dad buying lunch
Hot showers and jello beds
Pop, sodas, and cokes
