Do you have your glasses? Don't look at it!! (Howl at the moon part 2)

I opened my eyes and looked out the top of my tent to see it was daytime. The other campers were slowly starting to stir. My watch says 6:48 am. YES! Almost biscuits and gravy time, lol. I have been making a conscious effort to not eat meat and to try not to eat dairy. It’s not because I’m one of the die-hards that hold their fists in anger, “Chickens are not nuggets!!!” “I don’t eat anything that has a soul!” Mine is more for the, “I don’t want to die at an early age or get diabetes.” Ok, here’s a question: Is it normal that every time I hear or say the word, “Diabetes,” I’ll say it twice? Once the normal way and then I say it like Wilford Brimley, “Diabetus.” Yeah, you heard it in your head that time, didn’t you? You’re welcome. But, when it comes to certain things, I will put my mostly vegetarian hat away and eat me some animals. I walked down to the fire station where the breakfast was going to be to get a cup of coffee.  The women of the board were in the kitchen cooking and had been there since 4am. I had a sip of my coffee and asked if they needed help with anything. A looks up and says, 

“Well sure. Come on back here wash your hands and put on some gloves.”

I hopped up and went into the kitchen, excited that they would let me help instead of the very polite, “Oh, no, we’ve got it. You are a stranger and we don’t want you in here.” Whenever people ask me what they can do to help when I’m cooking in my kitchen, I try to give them a task. They feel useful. I get to drink wine sooner. 

Min comes into the firehouse and I say, “GOOD MORNING!” It took her a second to realize it’s me back there. Mostly because she’d been working for 17 hours the day before in the heat. The look she had was hilarious. I help the girls out for a few orders and then when there is a lull, I grab a biscuit, some bacon gravy, and a maple sausage patty. So good. I know there are some of you reading now and making a joke in your head about how it’s not kosher, bad Jew, etc...I haven’t said anything about me being Jewish at this point to anyone and I’ll tell you why I am saying this but I’ll talk about it later when it’s more relevant.  More people are coming in and out. Everyone’s excited about the eclipse later and talking  around the table about what a good time they had last night. The Ohio family comes in to eat. It’s a husband/wife team with a boy (6) and a girl (4) that are just cuter than all get out. I talk to kids all the time, I think, because of Gymboree.  I honestly had never even diapered a baby before my own. Now I can’t believe they pay me to play and act like a whackjob at work. Through conversation, the husband who is extremely lanky with black, curly hair, wearing this super-tight shirt so you could see his ribs, talks about his time in the Army and the three tours he did. He was in inteligence and still has the highest security clearance. I would’ve never expected that. The way he and his wife spoke to their children was such a gift to see. Earlier in the morning, the son had wandered off into the ball field, still completely visible from the family’s tent, but when Dad called him back, he got down to his son’s level, looked him in the eye, and explained in very simple terms why that was not acceptable. He gave him a hug and told him he loved him and the boy went back to...doing what boys do. I don’t know why that sticks out in my mind so much. They were the type of family you’d see living in a commune. This whole thing kinda felt like a commune. I feel like I should be playing, “Aquarius,” in the background.

 I go outside and Min is there,

“Hey, I have to go run some errands, do you want to go with me and see the town in the light? We can go see the inside of the bar, too.”

We had taken the cruise in this dune buggy type car thing (yes, my male readers, I said it) the night before and I had seen literally everyone’s house...and still made it back in 6 minutes.

“Heck yeah!”

It was about 10am when we parked in the middle of the road. Seriously. The middle of the road is where you parked and the outer aisles is where you drove. When you walk into this bar, it is really taking a step back in time a hundred years. There’s old pictures and catfish mounted on the walls, a tin ceiling, it smells like cigars, and The Price Is Right is on the tv. What the fuck happened to Drew Carey, by the way? He looks like Achmed the Dead Terrorist for Christ’s sake. Drink a protein shake or something. Anyway, we walk in and the Mayor and another gentleman are sitting at the bar talking to the bartender/owner.

“Hello!” greets the Mayor. He’s hillarious. One of those guys that says things just how they are and that’s what makes it so funny. “Do you girls want a beer?”

Now, I try to make it sound like I’m a good girl and that I’ve never had a cocktail before 5pm. Stop laughing. “It’s only 10:15 in the morning.”

“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere,” he says with a laugh.

So of course we did. The funniest part about it was when Mayor tells the bartender we needed beers, it went like this:

“Hey, D, these girls need beers.”

D dips his head and looks through the tops of his eyes, “...so go git em...”

That poor man had to get up, walk around us to go behind the bar, get the beers, open the tops, give them to us...and then D made him pay for them on top of it all.  I was laughing.

“Here,” he tosses a coaster to me on the bar, “use this.” Then he gave me a pen with the bar’s name on it. I knew he liked me.

“Ah!” I said, “This is a swanky place. Pinkies up everybody.”

It was the tastiest beer I’ve had in years. Min gets a call to take the leftover b&g to the church freezer, so off we went. Min’s husband is a deacon at their church. It’s a pretty church, too. I get the tour and they have one of those tanks to be baptized in. Not just a little sprinkle of water in the face...this is one where your whole body is submerged under water. Holy shit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of them in person. I don’t even know how to put this in or where to put it in, so enjoy my disjointedness...I normally don’t censor myself about being Jewish. I talk openly about my son’s bar mitzvah coming up or I’ll make a joke about something not going so good for, “my people,” or joke about my nose job, but I was nervous to say things like that here. It wasn’t until we were back at the pavilion waiting for the eclipse to happen that it became more prevalent of where this place of goodness was coming from in Min and the families I’d met. Did I think they would kick me out or ask me to leave...no. I just didn’t want to be the different one again. I was already the poor little thing from Moonstock, lol.

We were all sitting under the pavilion, on the flat bed of the truck, on the grass, on swings, everywhere you could think. I think I was on my second shaved ice when Min and Z decided to pray because Z was getting anxious about the eclipse. I can’t lie, I was nervous, too. I was thinking it would be a hell of a story when I got to heaven, though, if this was the end. I watched Min hold her daughter’s hand and we all bowed our heads to listen. It was peaceful. Children around us playing on the stage, singing in front of us like they’re performing like all kids do. Every few minutes Min would step out to the sun with her solar glasses on and come back, “A little bit more,” describing the eclipse starting. It was still hot as the freaking equator outside and when you looked at the sun through the glasses, it looked kind of like a light bulb. When the sun was almost covered and there was just a sliver of it left, I looked around the park at the trees, the people, and everything looked like I was looking through an HD filter. All of the shadows were these short, squatty things, the wind didn’t pick up and it didn’t get cold like I thought it would. It felt a bit dull.  Not boring-dull, but dull like there was soundproofing in the air. No echo, no sound bouncing off the pavilion roof. Flat. Does that make sense? The street lights started to come on and the cicadas got louder. And then, darkness. I saw at least four stars. We all stood around and you could hear the ooooh’s and ahhhh’s of everyone there. I missed my kids at that moment very much. I was witnessing this monumental event. The sky looked like there was a huge, perfect hole in it. I’d never seen anything like that. And I was alone. I allowed myself 10 seconds to feel sad. Only 10 seconds, but I had to give myself permission to feel it. A minute later the eclipse was passing and we cheered. A few seconds later you could hear the next town cheer. It was cool.

“Ok, I’m starving, let’s go eat. Robyn, you wanna ride with us?”

“Wait, are you sure you want me to go with?”

“You’re family now. You’re stuck with us.”

Driving with Min, Z, Z’s boyfriend, and Heffe (a dear friend of the family who lives with them because he needed the love around him) to the restaurant we break into an imprompteu, “Total Eclipse Of The Heart,” but it is this crazy version I’ve never heard before that had the word fuck in it about 10 times that I think they said was from Old School. It felt completely normal...well, MY normal. I sing with my kids all the time at the top of our lungs...doesn’t everybody? And when no one is singing, Z’s boyfriend, B, is beat boxing and just having the time of his life all on his own. Heffe has this low voice and talks with that soft drawl. His sense of humor is dry and makes me laugh with his straight delivery.

At the table I am told I have to have the fried pickles and try the mac n cheese bites. They have bacon. Well, there goes my vegetarian card again.

Jay asks me, “Why don’t you eat meat?”

“Because I have high blood pressure and diabetes (diabetus) runs in my family, so I’m just trying to be better at it.”

“Oh, I thought maybe it was because you were Jewish.” The way he said it, I wish you could here it the way I did. When you read the words, you could’ve interpreted it in so many ways, like, was he joking? Was he saying it with any negativity? But it was so the opposite. Jay is this sincere, kind man, which I think compliments Min perfectly. She’s a very tell-it-like-it-is person that will turn your water off if you are late, but will also take in a complete stranger who needed a place to lay her head. So when Jay asked me, I answered, “Well, yeah, that, too.”

Heffe snaps his fingers and points at me like he just answered the daily double, “I knew it!”

“I can still stay, right?” I laughed with just a touch of serious

“Of course you can. Why would you ask that?”

I can’t remember the awkward shit that must’ve come out of my mouth, but Min looks me in the eye and in the most matter-of-fact voice says, “Jesus was a Jew.” And everything I was worried about melted away. I grew up in a town where there were very few Jewish families. I went to Catholic school. I’ve never really had any issue and there’s been only one person in my whole entire life that called me a dirty fucking Jew. Gotta admit, that one hurt. In all honesty, growing up I had a much better understanding of Jesus than I did of Judaism. The men I’ve loved the most in my life were born again Christians. The greatest love of my life was Pentecostal. My natural mother is born again. Maybe that’s why I felt so at home. Food for thought. Today I got a message from Min saying that B had made a comment today that he missed me and I gotta say, it made me misty. Also, the Mayor missed my happy-go-lucky face. It made me feel good that I made an impact on them like they have on me. My life...my life is far from ordinary. I have proven to myself time and time again that I can be afraid, but still be courageous. I meet wonderful and amazing people wherever I go and it’s because I make the decision to do so. I could’ve easily said, “Fuck it,” after the first drop of water hit me in the face or after the first three hundred crickets hopped on my tarp or the fifth time the, “Howlllll at the moooon,” assholes came riding by. Like attracts like. I didn’t belong there. I found exactly where I was meant to be with the people I was meant to meet. As cliche as it may sound, I had one of the best trips of my life going to see the eclipse in Southern Illinois. Moonstock was the lesson I needed to receive Dowell...Cuz dat’s how we do well. (sorry, inside jokes aren’t funny if you’re the only one who knows it)

Take in a big inhale with me and blow it out. Thanks. Ok, it’s time to go back to the top and try to make sense of all I’ve just written. Oh, and I was added to the community page on FB. I’m an honorary member. Thank you thank you thank you for all of your kind words about my writing. It’s a passion. I write how I talk. So once you get the cadence of how I say things, you’ll hear it in my voice...unless you say Diabetus.

Tonight’s song choice:

Total Eclipse Of The Heart...I mean, come on, you saw that coming, didn’t you? Play it right now and sing like a mental patient for at least 30 seconds

I am grateful:

Quoting movies that make you laugh even if you don’t know what it’s from

Barbecue sauce mixed with ranch. (It’s not really pink, though)

Shaved ice that falls all over the place

Jay’s dad buying lunch

Hot showers and jello beds

Pop, sodas, and cokes