The, "I Have Nothing To Lose," EMAIL

Men...They never cease to amaze me in how they act or react to women.  So, by my last post you can see how things did not work out between me and my last love.  I am still not over it by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn't stop these other loopty-loos from contacting me on the dating website, and it does give me something to blog about in the interim.  Um, let's see...the latest:

"i think you should post a few pics of your ass...and damn you for cropping the pic of you waking up...you carefully cut out the boobs....please learn to tease..your 40 teasing should be law."

" Oh, f*ck, no, really?! I don't have any pics of my ass yet. My class on Tease 101 starts next Tuesday but, my darling, keep a lookout for new pictures, b/c these were great suggestions and I'll take them into careful consideration. xxoo, Sunshine"

His profile is even better:
"...I want to rub my bald head on the insides of your warm bare thighs and then get my face all wet!! I might wanna lick your ass too but i know thats a bit intense for some of you rookies out there...you know the kind who are scared to live and go thru life on the sidelines. Oh and Don't call me a pig...YOU WERE WARNED!!!...Ok ok ok enough of that stuff....did that scare you??..."

UMMM YES!!!!  That was the first paragraph.  There's about 13 more and they got worse as the story went on!  Seriously.  Again, men never cease to amaze me with what they think we will find acceptable.  I swear I just about peed myself when I read his email.  I would like to go to this man's mother and show her this profile and say, "Look what your son is doing!"  But then again, while I was on the computer last night Facebooking, (isn't it sad that is a verb now?) my 6 y/o son came up to me and goosed me.  "That is NOT appropriate!" I said.  and he just laughed and ran into the bedroom.  Yes, Child 1, Mama zip!  You know, it's a beautiful day and I should be outside.  I just had to write about this ridiculous email.  If I hear from Mr. Shakespeare again, I'll let you all know.  But I don't think he was expecting that response. 

Right after I wrote back to him another email from a suitor followed:

"what a beautiful woman! :)"

And all seemed a little better in the world.  Still miss K madly, though.
My song pick for today..."Here Comes The Sun," by Nina Simone and, "Don't Let Me Down," by The Sterophonics
I brag I have a sense of humor that gets me through rough times
I brag I have men who want to see pictures of my body parts.  hahaha
I desire to go to Miami at the end of April with my sisters and have the finances to do it
I desire to have a smooth transition into my new apartment
I am grateful for my friends who support me through my good times and bad
I am grateful for hot showers and perfumed shower gel
as always thank you for reading.  much much love to you all. xxoo, R

You never know until you try

I had one month.  One month to the DAY as a matter of fact.  Wtf, that is so fucking wrong it makes me laugh out loud.  I had one month of love.  Oh, and it was so good, so yummy, so fun and it pissed me off that I couldn't blog about all of it's goodness because I promised.  ARGH!  And now...poof!  Gone.  What a pisser, right?!  I swear this guy should've gotten a medal because anyone who knows me could tell you I was nowhere near wanting a relationship.  But the more room he gave me, the more I said, "Yes," to him.  I figured what the hell.  You gotta let go sometime and love.  So I did.  I loved with reckless abandon.  I was 100 percent myself.  I let my heart open as wide as I could for the first time, I think, ever, with the hope of something wonderful.  And I could feel my love for him and my attachment to him grow so strongly.  All my trust, it's really freeing.  In 15 years I now had a man who's sole purpose was to make me smile.  I didn't have to share him with another girlfriend/wife.  I didn't have to leave  him to crawl back into the hell-hole of my bed with the man who treated me like shit demeaning me with every breath.  He was all mine to spoil with love.  I had told him I didn't think I knew how.  I was, "broken," and that I didn't know what normal love really was.  But I think I have a better idea now.
 Adoration, compromise, agreement, friendship, bonding, sensuality, emotion, happiness, yearning, growing...too much new age-y bullshit?  Yeah, he thought so, too.  Hence one of the reasons I'm here blogging now and he's at home watching tv.  For those of you that know me well, you know I've been hit by men twice my size.  ( I think of Halloween one year when I was dressed as the Swiss Miss Cocoa Girl and I got into a fight with a guy at Flicks in Shorewood.  My big mouth got me pushed down and stomped.  I mean, come on.  I was in lederhosen and pink tights for fuck's sake! )  Anyway, I digress, my point being, I've taken a hit and I can joke about it, but this stung worse than being hit.  Not being liked for who I am when I've worked so hard on being a better person.  Or maybe it hurts because I feel like someone who tried so hard to get me, didn't know what to do with me once he had me.  Driftwood.  I have to try to look at it as driftwood.  He's one step closer to what I've been waiting for.  "Maybe you won't have to wait your whole life," he said to me on the first night we were together as he held me and my head rested on his chest.  I listened to his heart beating and I was able to rest in his arms.  I'm so sad.  I didn't want him to go.  I believed in love.  I'm so naive.  
Tonight's song pick, my lovelies, is, "Fix You," by Coldplay

I brag I am capable of loving
I brag I am an amazing friend and girlfriend
I am grateful for the month that I had
I am grateful for my friends who love me for who I am how I am
I desire my life to continue on a path of discovery
I desire more.  More love, more laughter, more light

As always, I am so grateful for you to take time to read this.  I hope this post finds you well and loved. xxoo