It’s funny. I could tell you I knew immediately. Which I
did, but that seems a little Pollyanna-ish of me to say. When Mike came over
for the first time to my little apartment in Arlington Heights, I lived on the
top floor of a two-flat. I buzzed the door and told him to come up. As soon as
he opened the door at the top of the stairs to where the four apartments were
on that floor, I saw his kind eyes (framed by his perfectly dark eyebrows) and
his beautiful smile.
I knew I liked him.
What I didn’t know is that my neighbor would charge out of
his door and block Mike from getting to my apartment. Very awkward first meeting
is happening in three, two, one… “I am SO SORRY if my dog has been loud. He’s
a puppy and my wife and I just got him.” He’s standing in between us, and I’m
trying my best to bat my eyes and smile and doing the usual, “Nice to meet you,”
kinds of small talk. “Oh, no. I haven’t heard him at all,” I say. “Do you want
to see him?” “The puppy? Absolutely!” The neighbor jumps back into his
apartment and I’m more nervous now than I was pressing the buzzer to let in the stranger that may kill me. Well, at least now my neighbor will be able to give
a description to the police if I turn up in a refrigerator or anything. “This
is Boston.” He’s holding an adorable puppy. Mike and I are both petting this puppy
and laughing. It was so weird…but not in a bad way. We say our goodbyes to
Neighbor-Guy (I can’t remember his name) and we walk into my apartment. I shut
the door and let out a big exhale. “Would you like to sit down?” And that’s how
it began. We sit on my chocolate-brown couch, I have some show playing on the
tv with the volume down. I have the closed captions on (this will make sense
later), and we’re talking, getting to know each other more. He made me laugh
the whole night. Sidebar: those of you who know me well, know you will never
win me over if you can’t entertain my mind. I used to ask G-d or The Universe
or whatever is the higher power out there, to bring me someone to love but the
prerequisites were: You had to love my children. (we’re a package deal). You had
to be kind. (I’ve had enough mean-spirited, abusive assholes in my life to last ten
lifetimes). And you had to have a wit/sense of humor that matched or was better
than mine. Ok, sidebar over. Back to the couch. Mike and I are sitting there
laughing, talking, learning about each other. He's so handsome. It's been about
an hour, and he turns to me, lowers his voice, looks at me seriously and says, “Hey,
can I ask you something?” I bite my bottom lip, smile a coy little smile, and I
have no idea what he’s going to ask, but I’m intrigued. “Sure. What do you want
to know?” (Hair flip, smirk) He pauses, leans into me, and says with a straight
face, “Are you fucking deaf or something? What’s with the captions on the tv? G-d,
I hate reading.” My eyes open wide, and I answer him, “Oh my G-d, you’re
hilarious. My daughter put the captions on, and I have no idea how to turn them
off.” That was the moment I melted.
I knew I had to see
him again.
Ask me about the next time we were watching tv and he wanted
me to put the game on. “Um, I can’t. I don’t have live tv.” I thought he was
going to have a stroke. But…he still came back. He’d bring food and we’d eat on
my couch watching Netflix or Hulu (I didn’t have a table to sit at…If you know,
you know) and he said to me while waving his hand in front of his face, “Ah, the
shine is all off now.” He said this because when Mike eats, (this night was
Wingstop. It was still COVID, and nothing was open for dine-in) his nose gets
all stuffed up, his eyes water, it’s amazing to watch. I sat on my little
corner of the couch and ate in awe of this sniffling, crying man who strips a chicken
wing like nobody’s business. Every time he'd leave, and I couldn’t wait for him
to call me, so we’d talk on his drive home. We’d talk until one of us fell
asleep (it was always him, lol). Wait…that makes it sound like he’d fall asleep
driving. He didn’t. It was when he was home already. And he’d be snoring on the
phone. I didn’t care. If I couldn’t physically be with him, at least I was
there in spirit, I guess.
I knew I really, really liked him.
I don’t know if I am ready to write any more than I have
already about how he was there for me when my father passed. I don’t think I
can right now. It’s still too fresh and I'll start crying at my desk. I will say this: We met in late November
of 2020. My father passed in late April 2021. Mike’s dad wasn’t doing well, either.
When my father died, Mike took days off from work to be with me and my family.
He bought dinners for the family, drove me back and forth every day from
Norridge to Joliet and back to Norridge. The drive back home was always the worst. I was
emotionally drained, silent, physically spent. When I slept at his place, he
never really knew what he’d wake up to. I could laugh one minute and be
hysterically sobbing the next. The shower was where I'd lose it the most. He never complained. He never said anything
like, “But who’s going to make dinner?” (Again, if you know, you know) Mike
helped me pick out the clothes my father was laid out in and helped me with
every detail of his funeral.
What the fuck? I just stopped to reread what I have been typing. I am so sorry. That really took a weird turn.
Yikes. Still there? Whew. I am going to stop here for a while and pull it together. I just wanted to
tell you that although he makes me laugh until I have tears rolling down my
face and it hurts to breathe, he also is the kindest, most gentle soul that has
ever lived. I could say I knew I loved him at more than a dozen times in the span
we’ve been together. Truth is, I don’t think there’s been a time when I didn’t
love him. I can’t decide if I’m going to publish this yet or where it should go.
As always, thank you for reading and humoring me. If you made it all the way
through, I am grateful. Here’s the dance break songs I chose for today:
“You Make Me Feel So Young” – Frank Sinatra
“Heavenly Day” - Patty Griffin
I am Grateful for:
Hot showers
Nightly (delicious) dinners that end with coffee
Refrigerator Tetris
Morning dancing and general weirdness
Laughing until crying and vice versa
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